Saturday, December 12, 2009

3x18 - Mind Your Own Business

In a classroom at Raven's school, Senorita Rodriguez is pointing to an acronym written on the blackboard.

Rodriguez: Welcome to Future Leaders United in Business. Or as I like to call it...(circles the first letter of each word)...the FLUB club. Some of you are here because you are highly-motivated, success-driven over achievers. (looks at a group sitting professionally, then looks over at Eddie, Chelsea and Raven, who are sitting lazily)...and some of you, I don't know why you are here.

Eddie has his earphones on, Raven is filing her nails and Chelsea is knitting.

Rodriguez: Seriously, why are you here?

Raven: Well see, we signed up late for club so it was either this or...clong dancing.

Chelsea: Senorita Rodriguez, do we need special shoes for business?

Rodriguez: No, but lets get down to business. (takes off Eddie's earphones) Alright, I am going to divide you into two teams. Reg, Troy, Ambrosia, you are team one. Raven, Eddie, Chelsea – you are team two. Your first task is to come up with a team name.

The first team huddle up.

Reg: Got it! Our team name is Dynamo.

Raven, Eddie and Chelsea huddle up and indistinct mumbles are heard between them.

Raven: OK, done!

Rodriguez: What is your team name?

Raven: Yeah, I don't know, but we're going bowling on Saturday!

Rodriguez: OK, I see I am going to have to name you. What is the opposite of dynamo?

Chelsea: Aarghh...slow-mo?

Rodriguez: Good enough. OK, dynamos, slow-mo's...your second task is to create, advertise and sell a product that students can use in their lockers.

The dynamo's huddle up again.

Reg: Got it!

Raven: Oh, Oh, now ya'll gotta' stop doing that.

Troy: If you can't stand the heat, please, get out of the kitchen.

Chelsea (laughs): We're not even in a kitchen! And they call us slow-mo's.

Eddie: Look, we don't want to get all competitive with you guys.

Raven: Yeah, so if ya'll really want to win this little business thingy, be our guests.

Rodriguez: Did I mention the prize for this little "thingy", is a super-shopping spree at the mall?

Raven: A super shopping spree? Slow-mo's, huddle up!

Raven's team huddles up.


Raven, Eddie and Chelsea walk out of the classroom and gather around Eddie's locker.

Raven: Now, let's figure out what we're going to do about this contest. Now, what do kids need in their lockers?

Eddie opens his locker door, and the girls cover their nose with a screech, unable to bear the stench.

Chelsea: Man Eddie, what died in there?

Eddie (reaching through his locker): Well, let's see I've got my gym socks in here, oh...and this is my lunch from last week...and my (???) from science class...or is this my lunch?

Raven: You know what you guys, I have a great idea! (closes Eddie's locker) It's gonna sell like hotcakes!

Chelsea: That's it Rae, we'll sell hotcakes!

Raven: No, Chels.

Chelsea: French toast?

Raven: Chels, has to be for your locker...

Chelsea: Locker waffles…

Raven: Sshh. Listen to me. We are going to make locker deodorizers!

Chelsea: Oh yeah, good idea Rae, I mean Eddie can't be the only one in school with a stank locker.

Eddie: So, do you guys really think these locker deodorizers will sell? (opens his locker)

Raven and Chelsea lean back with a small screech, covering their noses from the smell.

Raven: Oh...well, I don't know...but you are definitely getting the first one. (closes the locker door; mumbling as she continues)...nasty...


Victor comes into Cory's room.

Victor: Hey, Cory, I – (looks down to see Cory is soaking in a HOT TUB)...what the heck?

Cory: Dad, can you do me a favour and close the door. I'm catching a draft.

Victor: You got a hot tub?

Cory: Cool, huh. Came this morning.

Victor: Look, Cory, I can't deal with this right now, I'm too stressed. Look, I'm swamped at work, my taxes are due can you afford this?

Cory: I got it on my tax refund. That's why I always file early. (winks at Victor)

Victor: Yeah, I guess I'll remember that next time.

Cory: Dad, you really need to relax.

Victor: No, what I need is for this hot tub to get out of here. Look, I want it out of here by tomorrow! (as he walks out) How did you even get it through the door?

Cory (as Victor has gone): Water angels, water angels!


At the Flub Club meeting, the dynamos have their product on display to show Rodriguez.

Reg: And we will be selling locker organizers.

Rodriguez: Very clever, dynamos.

Ambrosia: You heard her, we're clever.

Rodriguez (walks to Eddie, Raven and Chelsea): And what have we here?

Raven (hands the product to Rodriguez): It's a locker deodorizer.

Chelsea: Yeah, we call them "stank...away"...

Rodriguez (inhales the smell): I am impressed, slow-mo.

Chelsea: Ha, she's impressed!

Rodriguez (goes to the front desk): Well, both teams have interesting products, but in business, the proof is in the profits. So, whatever team makes the most money will win the super shopping spree. And to the other, I will say...(taps desk)...hasta livista! (the teams lean back in their chairs)

Reg: Prepare to be demolished, slow-mo's. We have the most professional and most proficient marketing strategy this school has ever seen. (Troy and Ambrosia make spiteful gestures)

Chelsea: Yeah, yeah? Well we've got a big arrow!


In the corridor, Raven and Chelsea are standing behind a counter, as Eddie points to them holding a giant arrow which reads: STANK AWAY. The dynamos are set up opposite.

Eddie: Locker deodorizers, ya'll! Right this way, right this way.

Raven (as people gather around): Hey, hey, everybody, how you doing...I'm gonna tell you something that I know you don't want to hear. Your lockers stink! That's why we have this for you...

Chelsea (holding up product): Stank away, hand made, organic locker deodorizers...(Eddie has now joined them behind the counter)

Raven: Yes, you got to deodorize!

Eddie: Right!

Raven: Sanative…

Eddie: Well...

Chelsea: Hallelujah!

Raven: So the stink won't rise and burn your eyes! Can I get a sniff-ness? (the three inhale the smell given off from the product)

Eddie: OK, ya'll, step right up! We got...pine forest, lemon fresh and misty ocean.

Ambrosia has been standing at the counter smelling the samples.

Ambrosia: These all smell the same.

Raven: Oh, really, Ambrosia, don't block the line now. (pushes her away)

Over at the dynamo side, Troy and Reg are demonstrating the product through their locker.

Troy: Here it is, the locker wizard. You got your drawers, you got your shelves, and you got ya'll books. So, step right up and everybody, please have your money ready.

Ambrosia comes over and Reg steps aside with her.

Reg: How are the slow-mo's doing?

Ambrosia: The big arrow was really bringing in the crowd.

Reg: There's no way they're going to beat us, we have to crush them!

Ambrosia: You don't mean...?

Reg: That's right...

Cuts to Ambrosia, dancing around with an EVEN BIGGER arrow to the slow-mo's, with lights and all. It reads: "LOCKER WIZARD".

Raven: Oh, no, they've got an even bigger arrow.

Eddie: With lights!

Raven: You know what we have to do.

Chelsea: You mean...?

They both look over suspiciously at Eddie, who looks back then cuts to Raven putting the head of a 'chicken' costume over Eddie's head, at their business stand. Eddie is holding an EVEN BIGGER sign which, again, reads STANK AWAY, with lights and all. He bucks like a chicken as the crowds go over to the sales table. Rodriguez watches them closely with their dealings.
As the final sales are made, Rodriguez beeps her blow horn at the teams.

Rodriguez: Time's up, stop selling! Reg, big chicken...cough up the cash...

Eddie and Reg hand Rodriguez a bundle of cash and she clips it onto her clipboard.

Rodriguez: I will tally the results, and announce the winner at our FLUB club meeting. Where one team will go shopping...(the teams lean in)...and the other will hear me say...hasta livista! (backs away mysteriously into the next corridor).

As Rodriguez goes, the teams eye each other suspiciously...


Cory walks into his room with his basketball, shocked when he finds that Victor is in the hot tub.

Cory: Dad?

Victor: Oh, hey son. Is it 3.30 already? Where did the day go...

Cory: What are you doing in my hot tub?

Victor: Well, I thought about what you said about needing to relax and...(rests foot up on ledge)...thanks to your tub, I am bubbling my stress away!

Cory: Well, I am happy for you, but I already called the guy to come pick it up.

Victor: Oh, yeah...he rang the doorbell, but I was too relaxed to answer it.

Cory: So the tub's staying, then? (Victor nods) Good, 'cause I had a really long day at school and I could really use a soak...

Victor: Na-argh! Not until you've finished your homework.

Cory: Homework?

Victor: Mm-hm.

Cory: Dad, dad, come on!

Victor: Hey, hey. Schoolwork comes first. Better get started.

Cory: Fine. (goes to his desk)

Victor: Oohh, turbo jets...(hits a button on the remote and gives a relaxed laugh)

Cory looks over with an annoyed grunt.


At the FLUB club meeting. Rodriguez is at the front, just having counted the money up.
Rodriguez: OK, I've counted all the money and we have a winner. (pause) Dynamo. (they celebrate...) hasta livista! The winning team is Raven, Eddie and Chelsea the slow-mo's.

Raven, Eddie and Chelsea ad-limb their celebratory chants.

Reg: I told you we should've got an animal suit, but no, you had to think "inside the box".

Troy: The big arrow was fine...(looks at Ambrosia)...someone didn't dance enough with it!

The three of them walk out arguing.

Chelsea: You know what you guys, I am so glad we're not competitive like them.

Eddie: Yeah, that's because we're friends and we've got each others' backs.

Raven: And that's why we won. (they follow Raven to the desk) OK, prize, prize, prize, off to the mall we go slow-mo's, hook it up, hey!

Rodriguez: Not so fast, slow-mo's. The competition is not over yet. You see, there is a twist! Only one of you is getting the shopping spree.

Chelsea: Which one?

Rodriguez: The one that makes the most money selling a new product. Because you see now, you will be competing against each other.

The three of the teens gasp; Rodriguez turns on them dramatically.

Rodriguez: Dun-dun-dun! (the three lean back) ...Just trying to amp up the tension.


Raven, followed by Eddie and Chelsea, walk into the Baxter kitchen after school and dump their bags on the bench. Raven gets a jug of water from the fridge.

Eddie: Man, I can't believe Rodriguez is making us compete against each other.

Raven: Yeah, and you know what, we are not going to turn against each other like the dynamos. Over some stupid shopping spree, some...once in a lifetime...dream...of a shopping spree.

Chelsea: Rae, come back.

Raven: Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry. If we're 'gonna do this, we have to make a packed that it will not get ugly.

Eddie: Yeah, well it might be fun to have a little friendly competition, ya'll.

Chelsea: Yeah, but I can't think of what to sell.

Eddie: Oh, don't worry about that, me neither.

Raven: Yeah, me neither...

Raven turns away as she is transfixed into a her vision, Senorita Rodriguez runs up to Raven:

Rodriguez: Raven, your popcorn stand is popping!

Cuts back to the present.

Raven (screeches): I just had a vision and I know what I'm going to sell, and it is going to be hot!

Eddie: Oh, really? Well, what is it?

Raven: Huh? Aarghh...nothin'...

Eddie: What do you think Rae, I'm going to steal it or something?

Raven: Oh, Eddie, of course not! Please...

Eddie: Then why won't you tell us?

Chelsea: Yeah, Rae, that's not really fair, using your visions to beat us.

Raven: Aargh, argh, now listen to me people, this is just business. Strictly business. (sits down at kitchen table)

Chelsea: Fine, fine then. I'm not going to tell you my idea.

Raven: Aargh, Chels, I thought you didn't have one.

Chelsea: Well I don't, but when I get one...I'm not telling you.

Eddie: Yeah, yeah...and the idea that I don't have is 'gonna be better than the both of yours.

Raven: Oh, oh, keeping dreaming, you know why, 'cause I'm 'gonna win that shopping trip, OK?

Chelsea: Oh, yeah, well you're going down.

Eddie: Yeah!

Chelsea: You too, mister!

Eddie: Hey!

Eddie and Chelsea take alternate exit routes; before giving each other suspicious glares. As they are gone, Raven has a small laugh to herself.


Cory walks into his room, to find not only Victor in the hot tub, but also the rest of the staff from the Chill Grill.

Cory: Dad, what are you doing?

Victor: Oh, hey son, you know the Chill Grill staff right?

Chill Grill Staff Members: Hi.

Cory (to Victor): Why aren't they at the Chill Grill?
Victor: Well, you see, everybody's so stressed at work that we thought we'd relax while we have our staff meeting.

Cory: Dad, can I talk to you alone?

Victor: Hey, do you guys mind?

The Chill Grill staff take a deep breath and go under the water.

Victor: OK son, you better make it quick.

Cory: Oh, OK, Dad, well you keep talking about your stress, but I have stress too.

Victor: Son, you're a kid, what kind of stress could you have?

Cory: Well, let's see. I've got four tests and a paper due this week, I'm worried about my social life, my future, and I've got a dad living in my hot tub that I bought to relax in!

Victor: Oh, son, I didn't realize, of course you have your own kind of stress, and I should have been sensitive to that.

Cory: That's OK, dad. Tell you what, how about we move the hot tub to the backyard? That way we can both use it, and argh...I get my room back.

Victor: Yeah...yeah, that sounds fair. Alright.

Victor leans back on the cushion as Cory goes to stand up.

Cory: And, dad?

Victor: Yeah, son?

Cory: The staff!

Victor: Oh, right! (taps the ledge of the hot-tub, and the staff come up, soaked and short of breath)


At school, Chelsea is behind her counter in the hallway as the students walk by. Senorita Rodriguez approaches.

Chelsea: Thinking caps, get you're thinking caps here!

Rodriguez: Oh, I get it. A brain on a hat. (puts one on) Chelsea, very clever. (admires her reflection in the mirror)

Chelsea: Oh, thank you very much.

Rodriguez: No, thank you! (walks off with the cap)

Chelsea: Did she just rip me off? (puts on hat) I think she did!

Eddie is over at his stand, a place where you can get your face printed onto a T-shirt.

Eddie: Your face on a t-shirt, ten dollars! And for twenty bucks...(poses a grin) can have my face!
Boy #1: Cool.

The boy drops his bag and goes and stands in Eddie's position, Eddie goes to the camera. Rodriguez is watching from the stairs.

Eddie: Big smile man, alright. (snaps a photo; Rodriguez approaches)

Rodriguez: Another great idea.

Eddie: It's pretty cool, too. See, all I have to do is let the camera take the picture...(takes shirt from scanner)...and it printed right out on a t-shirt. (the guy takes the shirt) Ten bucks. (the guy gives Eddie the money)

Rodriguez: Very impressive, Edwardo. Aargh, can you show me how this thing works again? (stands in photo-position)

Eddie: Oh, yeah, no doubt. (holds up camera) Big smile now, alright. (snaps a photo of her)

A few moments later, he takes the shirt from the scanner and holds it up to show Rodriguez.

Rodriguez: Oh. (Eddie hands her the shirt)

Eddie: That'll be ten bucks.

Rodriguez: Do you have change for a fifty?

Eddie: Yeah.

Rodriguez: A hundred?

Eddie: Yeah.

Rodriguez: Two hundred?

Eddie: ...Yeah.

Rodriguez (changing the subject): Oh, oh...something smells good.

Eddie (sniffs around): Yeah, smells like turkey necks...(Rodriguez has skipped away)...oh! She jacked me for a t-shirt!

Raven is dishing out popcorn at her stand.

Raven: Popcorn here, get your popcorn! Freshly popped popcorn for your corn-eat pleasure, by Raven Raven pop.

As Raven turns the next customer, Rodriguez approaches her.

Rodriguez: So, what do you have for me? I mean, how's business?

Raven: Oh, it is on and popping...(gives popcorn to customer) you go...(takes money)

Rodriguez: I'll have to take a sample, for testing purposes.

Raven: Oh, most definitely, totally understand...

She puts one tiny piece of popcorn into a cup for Rodriguez.

Rodriguez: Oh, that's very generous, but...I think I'll need a capful.

She goes to the popcorn machine and scoops up some into her brain cap from Chelsea.

Raven: What? Oh, snap...

Rodriguez: I'll get back to you with my result...(walks off)

Raven: Oh, you better get back to me with my two-fifty!

Back at Eddie's t-shirt stand, he has just taken "Mad-Dog's" photo.

Eddie: Alright, your mother's going to like her birthday present, Mad Dog. (takes out the shirt and looks at the image; laughs)...hey, you look like a girl!

Mad Dog leans in with a mean look on his face.

Eddie: Aargh, argh...not you...(shows him the image on the shirt which makes him look like a girl)...the t-shirt, see something went wrong. It's a good thing you don't have a sister my brother because she would be one ugly...(Mad Dog looks even angrier)'ve got a sister, don't you? (laughs) I'm this way. (turns in opposite direction)

At Chelsea's cap stand, the students are making a lot of commotion wanting their money back.

Chelsea: Calm down, calm down you guys, everyone's getting their money back.

Eddie (walks over): Hey Chels, somebody messed with my computer, you wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you?

Chelsea: Wait a minute; somebody put itching powder on my thinking caps. You wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would you?

Eddie: No, but I bet the same person who messed with your caps is the same person that messed with my computer.

Chelsea: Man, who would do something like that?

Eddie: Someone that would do anything for a shopping spree.

Chelsea: Yeah...(pause; puts on thinking cap)...Raven!

Raven is packing up the popcorn machine as she puts in the last dose of powder to make to mix it up.

Raven: Great. Well, better go check out the competition.

She closes the door of the machine and walks way. As she is gone, an unknown figure with a black glove pours a bag of unpopped popcorn into the machine, and it flies everywhere...

Raven walks over to the cap stand, where Eddie and Chelsea are behind the counter.

Raven: Hey, you guys, what's going on...

Eddie: Like you don't know.

Raven: Actually, I don't.

Chelsea: Argh, OK, well does this mean anything to you...(scratches her head)

Raven: You stuck your head in poison ivy? (laughs)

Chelsea: Actually, I did once.

Raven: Really?

Chelsea: But, that's not why I'm doing it.

Eddie: And I suppose you had nothing to do with this? (holds up the shirt with the girly image of Mad Dog)

Raven: Wow, you know what, that is a really good picture of Mad Dog's sister.

Eddie: No, it is a really bad picture of Mad Dog! Someone messed with my computer, Rae.

Raven: Wait a second, are you accusing me?

Chelsea: Um, are you accusing me of accusing you?

Raven: Yes.

Chelsea: So you confess?

Raven: Wait, what am I talking about! I would never do anything to cheat. If you guys actually think I would do something to sabotage you, I don't even know why we're friends.

Eddie: We were thinking the same thing.

Raven gives a dark glare and walks off. Rodriguez approaches her.

Rodriguez: Raven, your popcorn stand is popping!

Raven: Yeah, I know, on it's own, it's pop, pop, poppin'.

Rodriguez: Yes, it is. All over the school! Pop, pop, pop, pop! (repeats several times)

Raven: What? Oh, snap! (sees that students are walking by with popcorn and runs off) Oh, wait! Ya'll owe me money for that, I'm 'gonna get my money when I get there!

Raven, Eddie and Chelsea run over to the popcorn machine to find there is a large pile of popcorn, and kids are throwing it at each other and stealing it.

Raven: Aargghh! (to Eddie and Chelsea) You sabotaged my popcorn machine!

Chelsea: What, Rae, why would we do that?

Raven: I don't know, maybe because you thought I sabotaged yours, which, I didn't!

Chelsea: Well we didn't do anything, OK Rae? At least, I didn't.

Eddie: Well, hey, what do you think, I did this?

Rodriguez (approaches from behind): Everyone, drop that popcorn and get back to class! Raven, stop your crazy machine before the whole school is filled!

Raven: OK, OK, I'm going in!

Raven dives into the pile of popcorn.

Chelsea (a few moments after): She's been under too long.

Rodriguez: I know. The suspense is killing me!

Eddie: Hey, we've got to go in there and get her.

Chelsea: Let's do it.

Rodriguez: This is better than the movies!

Eddie dives in first, Chelsea follows. Rodriguez watches with enthusiasm. A few moments have gone by, then Raven pops her head up from the mess of popcorn.

Raven (screams): Whoa, whoa! I DID IT!!!

Rodriguez: Eddie and Chelsea are in there! They went in to save you.

Raven: OK...(inhales a deep breath and goes back under)

A few moments later, Eddie and Chelsea pop their heads up.

Rodriguez: Raven just went down to save you!

Eddie: Oh, man...(he and Chelsea go back under; Raven pops her head up soon after)

Rodriguez: Raven – Eddie and Chelsea just went...just wait here.

Eddie and Chelsea pop their heads up in position above Raven.

Eddie: Rae, are you OK?

Raven: Hey, you guys. Yeah, are you OK?

Chelsea (spits out some popcorn): A little salty, but yeah, I'm OK.

Raven: Wait a second. Even though you guys thought I messed you up, you still tried to save me?

Eddie: Well argh, even after we said all those crazy things to you Rae, you still tried to save us?

Raven: You know what, look what this competition has done to us. It's turned us against each other.

Chelsea: Well, let's never let it happen again, OK you guys?

Raven: OK. We're best friends and let's stay that way.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Raven: Yeah.

Rodriguez: I love happy endings.

Raven: Well, I guess we'll never know who messed us up then.

Raven screams when a black-gloved hand pops up from the popcorn.

Rodriguez: Oh! I did not see that coming!

Eventually, Reg pops his head up. Raven screams.

Eddie: Reg?

Raven: What, Reg? What are you doing underneath there?

Reg: You guys didn't deserve to win! You know nothing about business.

Eddie: So it was you, huh?

Rodriguez: Everyone, report to the FLUB club immediately!


At the FLUB club, Rodriguez is standing at the front of Eddie, Chelsea, Raven and Reg.

Reg: I'm sorry for what I did, I just can't stand...(his face cringes)...losing.

Rodriguez: Reg, you can think about that when you're cleaning up the popcorn.

Reg walks out of the classroom.

Rodriguez: As for the rest of you, I think we learned two valuable lessons today. Competition can bring out the worst in people. And...never eat popcorn out of an itching cap! (rubs her tongue with a brush)

Raven (follows Rodriguez to the desk): So, um, Senorita...who's getting the shopping spree?

Rodriguez: Well, I think the only fare thing would be for the three of you to share it.

Chelsea/Raven/Eddie: Yeah.

Rodriguez: But there's another twist. Unfortunately, most of the merchants refused to participate. They said I took too many freebies. (reaches into desk) But I did manage to get you a gift certificate to one of the most popular stores in the mall!

Raven, Chelsea and Eddie take the voucher only to find that it is a gift voucher for...

Raven/Eddie/Chelsea: Popcorn town?

Rodriguez: Hasta lavista! (exits)

Chelsea: Oh, man.

Eddie: Well, at least it's free.

They shrug and go for the door.

Chelsea (as they are at the door): Hey, I wonder what they sell there.


Cory is sitting doing his homework, nearby the outside porch.

Cory (calling): Dad, come on, you've been in that hot tub for three days, you're gonna shrimple up into nothing!

A mini Victor in his bath robe comes crawling in.

Victor: Too late!

Cory screams and backs away...only to wake up and start screaming again (it has all been a dream).

Cory: OK, was just a bad dream...

He looks over to find Victor bent over at the door wiping up some water.

Cory: Aarghh!! It wasn't a dream!!! Mommy!! (runs away)

Victor (stands): Son, I was just wiping up some water. Well, back to the tub. (walks outside)